Monday, September 1, 2014

Progress is progess. I think.

Here are how my runs have been lately.

1. Not happening
2. Amazing and awesome
3. Horrible

No middle ground.  If I get out at all, I either do fantastic and amazing and unicorns gallop next to me, or I make it a mile and sweat to death and wait for puddle-me to dry up and then I walk home.

Yeah.  I'm finished.
Work BLEW UP in my face a bit ago.  A round of lay-offs that left more casualties than I was even prepared for left a small amount of people to do the jobs of...not a small amount of people.  Though, we're doing it, so I guess it can be done.  It's taken time to get things into a manageable rhythm but I did make it out for some runs of 5ish miles from time to time.  Not what I needed to marathon train, but at least I wasn't sedentary.  It does mean that I missed two long runs and I'll somehow have to find a way to get back in the swing of it.  If I wasn't too lazy to tab over to Garmin Connect I could confirm my longest run this month, but I'm pretty sure it was 10 miles.

How. Ev. Er! That particular ten miles that I am thinking of went swimmingly (as in hot and good, so ha!) and I rode the wave for a few days.  Broke my 10-miler record by 15 minutes!  Granted, I don't run 10 miles all that often. 

I've also broken 30 minutes for a 5k a few times now.  Almost enough where the excitement it wearing off when it happens.  Two months ago I started a race with an A-goal of sub 34 minutes and I killed it with a 32.  Now I'm all of a sudden thinking that 30 minutes could be my new normal.  That's the progress.

Endurance, however, is still something that I'm struggling with a bit.  Having little time to run and having that little time also occur during the HOTTEST AND HUMIDEST parts of the days make it seem almost unbearable sometimes.

Sometimes I get to run here.  Sometimes it sucks, but it's pretty enough that I don't care.
I realize that it's hugely mental.  When I peek at the humidity I can feel the doubt creep it.  I talk myself out of doing well.  I wish that I knew how to get over this hump, but I've not found a way to stop the doubt from creeping in. 

Hopefully fall comes sooner rather than later and the cooler temps help me stay cool and collected, too.

Friday, July 25, 2014


Why did I decide to run a marathon?

In part, because I want to be proud of something.  Admittedly, I've been using running as therapy and since I am not a very good (read: fast, fit, questionable endurance) this is probably not my best idea.  If you want to use something as therapy, as a diversion, it's probably wise to pick something you are good at.

Good idea or bad, it's happening, and it started because I am, for a nice change, getting better at this.  I am not fast and I likely will not be fast in time for this marathon.  I will take walk breaks, but hopefully less than I anticipated when I started training.  I'll be next to a good friend who can push me and will let me push her.

Bottom line is, my confidence is at an all time low.  Not my running confidence, but rather my entire being.  I realize it is a phase and that I feel this way because of a very unfortunate series of occurrences, but I really want to focus on something.

To finish something.

I want - for once - to be good at something. 

I want to sense of accomplishment that will come along with finishing this.

 I make my own quiet spots in the middle of rush-hour.  The view sure ain't something to be sad about.

The silver lining to running as therapy (aside from the lack of actual therapy bills - and also the lack of actual professional opinion, I realize) is that I'm turning negatives into positives, at least on the pavement.  I can be pissed at me, at him, at work, at family, at the whole damn world and it helps me pick up the pace - is motivating me in a way that I didn't think it would.  I thought going through all of this would motivate me to the couch cushion to eat ice cream and clean out my DVR.  Instead it has motivated me to leave work every day and get moving.  Into pants that are two sizes smaller than when this all started.  Into a pace that's about a minute quicker than I thought I was capable of.  Into a few extra miles before a walk break. 

I wish I wasn't looking for silver linings to begin with, but if good can come out of bad then it's at least a little harder to be sad.

The best reason to run a marathon?  Probably not.  But I very badly want the accomplishment and I hope it's the boost I need.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

When you aren't accountable

I started this blog, a year ago, to keep myself accountable. 

I was running and I wanted to get better.  I wanted to get stronger, eat healthier.

I've done most of those.  I'm a little stronger, a little healthier, I've dropped some weight which I think made me run a little bit faster.

I'm also pissed.  I'm pissed at just about the whole wide world and it's helping my pound some pretty angry miles.  The angrier the miles the quicker I get.

I've changed jobs, had health trouble (over, thank goodness) and I'm about to be officially 'unmarried'.  For lack of a better word.  Or at least any other word I'm willing to use.

This year, instead of the Detroit Free Press International Half-Marathon I am going to run the marathon.  Galloway, of course, so I can walk a bit.  I'm feeling quite good about my training this time around and I am exceptionally motivated to stick to it. 

I am nervous, and still excited.  And now I need to keep myself more accountable than ever.