I've toyed with the idea of blogging for awhile.
I've also toyed with the idea of accountability for awhile.
Not to mention I've got a pretty short memory. Wouldn't hurt to keep track of a few things. Right?
I want accountability for - and a record of - my running. Run/walking. Attempted running. Running.
I decided to do something scary today and I signed up for a few races. Some real heavy hitters, too. A 10k and half marathon. The scary part of that is that I am a really terrible runner. Signing up for the races is terrifying because I've been steadily training for two months and I'm STILL a terrible runner. I started Couch to 5K and was doing fairly well and sort of abandoned the idea of it because the mileage that I needed to train for a few races was more than I could fit into the C25K time frame. Maybe going out on my own wasn't the greatest idea, but going backward isn't really and option now.
I'm not worried about speed. I'm not even (terribly) worried about injury because I'm being very careful and only doing what I'm able to do and what feels comfortable. What I'm most worried about is my endurance. I've been running(/walking) for weeks now and my endurance level is still the same. I can still run the same distance before stopping to walk. I'm still barely making a 15 minute mile and it's really starting to get me down!
I didn't sign up for any races to win. My goal is to complete, not compete, but I'm barely even confident that I'm going to be able to do that at this point. The idea of a last chance pacer kicking me off the course causes my stomach to sink and I get so nervous that I want to quit.
My first long race is six weeks away. Six! I keep telling myself that I've still got six weeks until the race (and then 10 weeks until the next race. And then 14 weeks until the next race.) to train and then I immediately remind myself that I've already been training for six weeks with little to no results.
As much as I don't want to quit, I also don't want to humiliate myself. I know that increasing my endurance is 100% up to me and I'm hoping that if I start recording my running then a pattern might appear.